100 AGT Contestants Head to Vegas

06/19/12 8:38 PM

The last of the America’s Got Talent auditions have screeched to a halt. Desperate hopefuls from all six of the remaining cities performed for one last shot at a Las Vegas spot. Performing pig owner Thea pranced her pink tutu-wearing pet “Smoochie” across a stage decorated for pig play: a one-step ladder, squeaky toys, and a snout-ready mini-piano. But it was on the lackluster floor mat where the Smooch-ster performed her best stunt-siesta.

While a boo-ready crowd and X-itchin’ judges glared at Smooch’s motionless tush, Thea’s snacks stimulated Smooch to make a half-hearted attempt across the piggie obstacle course which culminated in a squeaky toy squeezing finish. Thea and her porky companion escaped the triple-X but didn’t get a “go” for Vegas. Oh LARD!

Up next was a marshal arts disaster.  A pee paw looking karate pseudo-master inflicted rapid blows across his assistants’ eerily docile bodies at a rate of 20 times per second. Before the act got X’d, Howard Stern convinced one of the apathetic assistants, who “look[ed] miserable,” to punch the karate film reject “in the face already”—a feat which the mute mimed before the trio left the stage.

A money-hungry vixen with a kewpie doll face performed a rap and dance number that proved to be a female empowerment gag, when she sang: “You’ve got a nice body, but I’m in it for the money.” Her accompanying seizure-style dance moves only accelerated her trip to X-ville.

The next dance troupe’s quasi-sexual act proved no better. Led by a guy dressed shamelessly in wedding singer creepiness, a troupe of five beautiful semi-clad female dancers flagged their twats to the beat of that creepy guy’s tune. That kind of gross received the X-bump off it deserved.

Busty Trish (“like fish”) admitted she quickly conjured up her awful speed rap skills to get next to Howard “What a Man!” Stern. The stay at home computer programmer wore the mini-est of neon pink minis for Howard, who joined Trish the fish dish on stage. The two performed a bizarre sashay to a hip-hop beat before fishy Trish was asked to Beat It!

Lil’ Lilly, the six-year-old tap-dancing spitfire from Chino, Calif., restored the AGT crowd’s hopes, performing a fervent number to a James Brown inspired tune. Lilly was just too cute for her own good. Howard agreed, and he dimmed her Vegas lights. But Sharon challenged him, shouting to Lilly, “You were on fire up there!” She and “Everybody Loves” Howie gave Lil’ Mamma Lilly the green light to Vegas.

The Puerto Rican “787” dance crew delivered the intricate moves that set the crowd ablaze and ensured their spot in Vegas. College student Mary Joyner (daughter of the late great Olympian Florence “Flo Jo” Joyner) touched everyone in earshot with her passionate singing. A tearful Papa Joyner joined his daughter on stage for the good news—she’s going to Vegas! Surely, her mom is somewhere smiling proud.

Now the lucky 100 contestants are off to Las Vegas to gamble for 48 spots in AGT boot camp.  Check out the latest odds on America’s Got Talent, as well as other reality competition shows at our VegasOddsOn.com on entertainment section.

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