AGT Tampa Contestants go from Zero to Vegas In Three – Two – One

06/20/12 8:29 PM

Contestants in audition city Tampa Bay, Fla. welcomed America’s Got Talent with open arms and eccentric performances.
“The Untouchables” literally kicked things off in kick-ball-chain salsa style. The Miami-based colorful crew of a great many eight to thirteen year olds jammed the AGT stage for another shot at fame and stardom. These tots rocked to a J Lo tune while beaming through braces the entire performance.

The boys looked like mini-conquistadors and were just as bedazzling as the girls. Howard counseled the gyrating cuties: “Puberty is your enemy, don’t grow up.” The judges showed the prepubescent pirouetters some triple-yes love, and they are going to Vegas!

Dorky puppeteers “Puppets on Hand” gave AGT a wacky worm puppet circus to forget. Their brand of tabletop puppetry failed to wow all but fellow AGT dork-in-residence Howie, who singly gave a standing ovation and wanted to see more from the dateless trio. Howard quickly put that notion to rest, telling the worm puppet paramours, “What you need to do is forget about it.”

The “Rangers in Reality” crew performed a hopscotch dance flop. After that color-clashing, spastic rendition of diddly-squat, the threesome should more aptly be called “Slapdash Skittle Messiness.” Even they anticipated the triple-X treatment.

Another hue-larious act followed. But this time, a toilet paper roll tiara-wearing human crayola box preferred tearing up an assortment of mismatched paper in a fit of artistic rage. The paper hater managed to escape triple rips from the judges, but received no Vegas love.

And love was in the air for one disheveled freak that claimed to be an air-sex expert before he showcased perhaps the grossest performance in AGT history. The audience cringed and the judges were too busy gagging to press their eject buttons. But when air-sex freak’s amorous act was finally over, so was he. Next! Bizarre acts like this one don’t have much hope of making it into the wagering action for odds on entertainment.

For “Twiggy” the jet-skiing squirrel, it was love at first sight. She displayed her affection for Nick “Hype Man” Gannon by urinating on his shoulder. That alone should have immediately won her and owner Luann two first class tickets to Vegas.

But alas, “Twiggy” failed to impress the judges who grew dizzy at poolside watching a motorized mini-boat propel Twigs round and round, again and again. The judges ultimately splashed Luann’s Vegas hopes. Just as with her performance, “Twiggy” is going nowhere.

Synchronization was at its finest for the “American BMX Stunt Team,” who spun the crowd into an exhilarated frenzy. The ten biking bros performed death-defying feats that won their ramp-crammed act a spot in Vegas.

Little “Big Barry” won the biggest success story of the festivities. The seventy-year-old retired restaurant owner was given a pass for Vegas in spite of trilling a song that sounded like a cross between a tortured cat in a blender and Frank Sinatra in that same blender. Even so, the 4’10” crooner proved that big dreams dwell in even the littlest of hearts.

The AGT search continues…

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