Presenting the AGT YouTube Dud Show

AGT is back and brought its 12-best acts from a pool of YouTube video submissions to the stage; however, the less than stellar performances likely left many viewers preferring to see paint dry. Nonetheless, by the end of the long night, America was asked to do its duty by voting through their favorite YouTube dud of the competition.

First up was “Clint Carvahlo & His Extreme Parrots” from Las Vegas. Clint’s parrot “Kitten” swooped down from the heavens and into the AGT arena once the feathery phenom heard Clint’s “Here Kitty” call. Dubbed the “Evil Knievel” of parrots, “Kitten” successfully completed the mission and was given a treat for not leaving a trail of poop while in flight.

Pop rock band “Reverse Order” should have made an about-face before stepping foot onto any stage. These 20-something, testosterone-filled walking hand jobs were so out of sync, it appeared as if they were all performing solo acts together.

Los Angeles Illusionist and permanent 80s fashion victim Rudy Cody’s biggest feat was daring to call his act “talent.” He also managed to “creep out” Nick Cannon with his Dream Master disaster-themed flop.

“7 in Unison” were the dancing fruit-filled Pop-Tarts from Cali whose act was more like a loopy lullaby than titillating seductress routine. An equally fruit-filled, but with a Southern twang, Drew Erwin from Tennessee continued to waste more AGT time. Exactly who decided that this “singing” Abercrombie and Fitch ad was ready for the big stage?

As if America wasn’t already depressed by the previous acts, so-called comedian and apparent “delusionist” Melinda Hill chirped horrible material to an eerily quiet audience for a straight 90 seconds and escaped the disaster with ego in tact. If that’s not proof that Xanax is a heck of a drug, nothing is.

Professional goofball Eric Buss joined Melinda in her delusional ranks with his act that can only be described as a symphony of mess-popping failure. But the AGT YouTube show reached the heights of shear “duddery” with air guitarist “Romeo Dance Cheetah” and what looked more like an ode to his incessant venereal issues than air guitar act.

“The Magic of Puck” barely managed to save the night from completely flatlining. The judge’s appreciation of this amateurish hand-in-hankerchief routine showed just how bad the night’s talent had been so far.

A style-needy country singer from Virginia, Bria Kelly’s pitchy performance gave the judges a little more to smile about. But the mid-life crisis personification that perpetrated the “Cast in Bronze” bell-tolling act set the judges in triple X-mode once again. Howie summed the masked failure up perfectly: “Phantom of the Ding-a-lings”. Well, at least “Mr. Ding-a-Ling” had enough sense not to show his face in public with that “Quasino-no” nonsense.

And then came “Academy of Villians” straight out of San Fran with their theater-based hip hop and rock dance number that was quite entertaining, but America will ultimately be the judge of that.

Next week, hopefully AGT will come back to its talent-seeking senses with some actual talent.

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