The AGT YouTube Travesty Show Results

America was asked to do a truly patriotic thing last night. They were asked to vote for their favorite AGT YouTube contestant from a pool of fools.

But before Nick “curly-mop top” Cannon could read off their fates, gold-medal winner Gabby Douglas graced the AGT stage and the audience was overflowing with American pride for the deserving sweetheart.

When the heartfelt praise fizzled, however, “Cast in Bronze,” “Reverse Order” and “Academy of Villains” were first up on the chopping block. The masked mid-life crisis that is “Cast in Bronze” grew a tad impatient with all of the criticism, and he affirmed that “no one on this planet knows this instrument exists; I brought it out of the tower.” What this guy fails to realize is that his bell-toll, ding-a-ling clunker needs to STAY up in that tower.

The drill sergeant of a leader from “Academy of Villains” went all soft when he received love from judges and audience after the dance crew’s fire-filled performance last night. Luckily the serge’s tears didn’t douse the crew’s flames because America voted these wiggle wonders through to the semifinals!

And what would an AGT results show be without a peek into the Orville Lounge? Where else could you behold the ever lame Eric Buss (check) doing the robot dance; the “Cast of Bronze” misanthrope showing off his anti-social skills; and the balance of the YouTube loser pool chomping on Orville’s artificially packaged “wholesome” air-popped and preservative-laden kernels in overly exaggerated, orgiastic style?

Meanwhile, true YouTube sensation “Karmin” served up some rock and some roll to a talent-hungry audience. But after the “Karmin” diva sang, rapped then danced to her last note, it was time to send “7 in Motion” and Ruby Coby home. Bria Kelly likely won by her default cuteness, but this hometown country singer needs to add a lot more spice to her gumbo if she expects to survive semifinals.

The magician that is “The Magic of Puck” was the next act to join Bria in the amateur ranks, and he promised to go big in the semifinals. Howie insisted that “size doesn’t matter,” but if you want to swing with the AGT big boys in the semifinals, you’re gonna have to go big, Puck.

Clint Cavalho rounds out the YouTube picks who are heading into he AGT semifinals with the top dogs. Clint isn’t fazed at all by the other dog acts in the competition since “birds are 20 times smarter than dogs,” according to him.

Next week, AGT will feature its wild card show, and each judge finally gets to exact voting revenge by bringing back four of their favorite acts who got lost somewhere along the AGT way.

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